Do you always want to check your partner's phone? It may be your hormones

Review expert: Chen Mingxin, national second-level psychological counselor, senior human resources manager

When in love, many people may have had the crazy urge to check their partner's phone. They always feel like there is a kitten scratching their heart. The other person's chat history and social dynamics seem to have a fatal attraction, making people torn between curiosity and entanglement.

Why is love so sweet, yet also makes people anxious and worried, wanting to rely on checking their phones to feel safe? Why is the pain of a broken heart so unforgettable, even the heart aches? The answer lies in the hormones in the body.

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Why does love make people happy?

When you are in love, that happy feeling that makes you feel happy and see the world through a filter is mainly due to the secretion of some "love hormones" in your brain.

What is the "love hormone"?

From a biological perspective, when the appearance, voice, smell, and behavior of a particular person act on the human brain, it will stimulate the brain to secrete a series of chemicals, which will make us immersed in romance, happiness, joy, and relaxation, and then stimulate early strong emotional impulses, which is love. Scientists named these chemicals "love hormones". As neurotransmitters secreted by the human body, they each play their own role in love.

Phenylethylamine: the pioneer of love

From love at first sight to falling in love, phenylethylamine (PEA) accompanies you all the way. This self-produced neurostimulant can instantly make people extremely excited, making both lovers feel attracted to each other, and making people move forward bravely and tirelessly in love. However, it can also make people in love only see each other and temporarily forget about things other than love. The peak of passion brought by PEA usually lasts from 6 months to 4 years, with an average of less than 30 months.

Dopamine: The catalyst for sweet addiction

Dopamine, as an important neurotransmitter secreted by the human body, is not only involved in the regulation of various human functions, but also affects our memory system. When the secretion of dopamine in the brain increases, people will feel very happy. When you are in love, the sense of security and satisfaction generated by a hug is the sweet gift brought by dopamine.

Norepinephrine: the heart-pounding "igniter"

Norepinephrine has a strong vasoconstriction and nerve conduction effect, which can speed up the heartbeat of people in love and produce a throbbing feeling. It adds a tense and exciting atmosphere to love by increasing blood pressure, heart rate and blood sugar.

Endorphins: The security guard of long-term love

Endorphins are usually secreted more in the period after the passionate love, which can calm the emotions of lovers, stabilize the relationship, and transform passion into a long-lasting companionship. If endorphins can be secreted in time after the passion fades, love can last forever, and many people enter the marriage hall because of this, so it is also called the "marriage hormone".

Why do you always want to check your partner’s phone when you’re in love?

When in love, many people can't help but want to check their partner's mobile phone. Oxytocin is behind this behavior. Oxytocin is called the "cuddle hormone" and it plays an important role in enhancing intimacy between lovers. When we are in love, the secretion of oxytocin increases, making us trust each other more and be more proactive in our relationship.

However, oxytocin also has "side effects", which will gradually blur the sense of boundaries between lovers. Under the effect of oxytocin, we will unconsciously think that there should be no reservations or secrets between us and our lovers, and everything about the other person is closely related to us. Once this idea arises, the desire to check the other person's mobile phone and understand all their dynamics will continue to rise. Therefore, the originally beautiful relationship may have some unnecessary conflicts and troubles because of this tangled mentality.

Losing love really makes people feel pain

The "stress response" of the insula

Once you fall in love, you may have to face heartbreak. Many friends may have experienced that heartbreak is not just about feeling sad, but also about the body feeling heartache, headaches, insomnia, vomiting and other discomforts. This is because of the overreaction of the insula. The insula is located deep in the cerebral cortex and is divided into the anterior insula and the posterior insula. The anterior insula is mainly responsible for processing information related to emotions and cognition, while the posterior insula is more involved in processing physical sensations, such as pain and touch. When you are heartbroken, the insula will have a strong stress response and become overactive, thereby increasing sensitivity to body signals and causing physical pain.

Why memories hurt more after a breakup

In addition to physical pain, after a breakup, we tend to fall into memories, and most of what we remember are the beautiful moments in love. Why is this? The peak-end rule shows that people's memory of an event depends mainly on the experience at the peak and the end. Highlight moments such as sweet dates and affectionate confessions in love, as well as the warm scenes of each other before breaking up, are deeply engraved in our minds. Therefore, even if we break up, we often remember the good of each other and those happy times, which invisibly aggravates the pain after a breakup.